


Open Wounds

by acme146



Series: Fading Scars [12]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Bonding, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Thar Be Feels, hard choices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-10 15:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11129703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acme146/pseuds/acme146
Summary: Oneshots set in canon time. Before scars can fade, they have to be made.





	1. Imprinting

**Author's Note:**

> Can someone PLEASE write me a better summary? 
> 
> In this chapter, Tonks enjoys being a new mother, even the hard parts.

            It was nearly dawn, and Tonks lay awake. Remus was away; it was the last day of the full moon’s effect. He’d gone nearly crazy with having to leave her and Teddy so soon after she’d given birth, but the moon rose anyways. His only relief would have come two days ago, when Tonks hadn’t come with their child.

            No, Teddy wasn’t a werewolf. He was a Metamorphmagus, and no doubt he would get into his own pattern of mischief, but he was a normal baby in a normal cot.

            And as normal babies do, he started to cry.

            “Alright love, alright. Mummy’s here.” Tonks got to her feet, wobbly from lack of sleep, and padded over to the cot. Teddy was reaching little arms up, and Tonks lifted him out. She spelled her shirt away and let him nurse for a while.

            Then, as she’d done each morning since he was born, she put him back in the cot and slipped on a different shirt. She closed her eyes and shifted her height, her hair, even her vocal cords…just as she’d practiced while pregnant. The last were her eyes, surprisingly difficult, but they were the right shade of emerald when she opened them.

            “Hi Teddy,” she exclaimed in a younger, male voice as she approached the cot again. “It’s Harry, sweetheart. Nice to see you!”

            As she scooped her son up into his godfather’s arms, she sent up the same wishes she did every morning. The first was that Harry would survive to meet Teddy in person and be his godfather properly. The second was that she would survive to see that meeting.

            She got one of those wishes.

* * *

 

            Harry was exhausted from repairing, burying and decision making, but he dropped everything immediately when Slughorn told him that Andromeda Tonks was looking for him.

            She was standing in the Great Hall, tears running down her face. Remus and Tonks…Harry swallowed. He’d been so lost in his grief for them he hadn’t spared a thought for Tonks’ mother, who’d now lost her whole family.

            Well, everyone except the little bundle she was carrying.

            “Mrs. Tonks,” Harry said hesitantly.

            Andromeda reached a hand out and touched his face. “I’m so glad you’re alright. They were so—so worried about you.” Her voice broke on the last word. Harry had no idea what to say. He’d lost parents and friends…he’d never lost a child.

            “I wanted you to meet your godson,” Andromeda said, gesturing to the bundle. Harry could see a sleeping baby now. Teddy’s hair was pink now, but otherwise he looked more or less like the picture Remus had carried in his front pocket into battle.

            “Do you want to hold him?”

            “I don’t know how,” Harry stuttered.

            “Put your arms out.” Harry was silent as Andromeda maneuvered his arms into position, then gently laid Teddy in them.

            Harry stared at Teddy in wonder, his arms curling the bundle closer to him automatically. He’d never held a baby in his life; never seen a child this small.

            The baby opened his mouth in a yawn, and then his eyes. He blinked sleepily up at Harry, but he didn’t cry.

            “He’s not been very good with strangers yet,” Andromeda said in shock. “Charlie Weasley came by two nights ago and he was howling.”

            But Teddy stayed quiet. In fact, his eyes slowly turned green under Harry’s amazed look.

            “Hello Teddy. My name’s Harry. It’s nice to meet you.” Harry pressed a kiss to the baby’s head as gently as he could. He looked up at Andromeda. “I can’t…I want to be in his life, I swear, but I don’t know if I can give him a home.”

            Andromeda looked relieved. “I was going to ask you…I’ve lost everyone. But I still remember how to—to take care of a baby. And you can come and visit, of course.”

            “I think that sounds wonderful,” Harry said. “Er…Andromeda?”

            Andromeda smiled. “Will you come sit down with me, Harry? I’d like to get to know you a bit.”

            The two of them went outside. Teddy only fussed when he was hungry, and the rest of the afternoon lay quietly in either Andromeda or Harry’s arms.


	2. I See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unwelcome dinner guest brings about a long-needed conversation. Set during the summer before Harry's fifth year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for Snape being a bastard.

            “That’s the last of them,” Sirius said triumphantly. He shook out the cushions. “Well done, all of you.”

            They were cleaning out one of the dozen or so bedrooms at Grimmauld Place. To Harry’s surprise, this room had been crawling with moths, who’d gained some power eating wizard’s clothing. They weren’t fond of the swatters they’d employed to get rid of them, but they were gone now.

            “I think it’s time for dinner,” Hermione said. She had her hair covered by a bandanna after two of the large moths had gotten tangled in it. “Mrs. Weasley said seven, didn’t she?”

            “Excellent, food!” Sirius helped Harry to his feet. “Let’s go eat, then we can have more fun with mutant bugs.”

            “There aren’t any…spiders, are there?” Ron asked hesitantly.

            “What, are you missing your crawly friends?” George cooed. “We can make you some, if you like.”

            “Leave him alone,” Sirius said, though he was grinning. “The only room with spiders I’ve found is the one I told you about, Ron. I’ll let you know if I find any others.”

            Harry followed the others down the stairs. Mrs. Weasley met them at the foot, her lips pressed together. Harry thought at first she was cross about their cobwebby state, but she just waved her wand and they were clean. “Dinner’s ready,” she said. “And we have guests. Tonks and Lupin are staying…”

            “Brilliant,” Sirius said.

            “And so is Professor Snape.”

            There was a pause.

            “You know what, suddenly Harry and I aren’t hungry,” Sirius said, taking hold of Harry’s shoulder as if to bring him upstairs. The others moved to follow.

            “Down you come,” Mrs. Weasley said sternly. “I know you don’t like him; I’m not fond of him either. But he is risking his life for all of us.”

            “He might be risking his life eating here,” Sirius muttered.

            “Just come down and eat, and then you can go upstairs.” Mrs. Weasley raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to let him scare you off your dinner, are you?”

            Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Fine.” He glanced at Harry. “You alright with that, mate?”

            Harry nodded.

            “Alright, let’s go get this over with.”

            Snape was sitting in the room, and Sirius directed Harry to a chair as far away as possible from him. “Hermione,” Sirius said as Mrs. Weasley brought in the shepherd’s pie, “you started to tell us something about the moths before they swarmed us. What are they like in the Muggle world?”

            Harry couldn’t quite follow the conversation (Aunt Petunia had destroyed any moth he’d ever found, so he wasn’t too sure about how they behaved), but soon Fred and George were chatting with him about pranks they’d pulled in the past, and Ron was snarking back at Ginny about some Quidditch player they both liked, so it would be difficult to follow a conversation anyways.

            He could feel Snape’s eyes on him, but he said nothing. He ate what was put in front of him and kept to himself as the others came in and joined the talk.

            _If he would just stop staring at me we’d be getting along famously,_ Harry thought to himself.

            Nothing happened though, and Harry managed to enjoy the treacle tart they had for dessert. The moment everyone’s plate was cleared, Sirius sprang up. “Well, better get back to it. Or do you lot want to skive off for the night?”

            “You must be happy, Potter.”

            Harry’s head snapped around to see Snape, the corners of his mouth turning up in a smirk. “To be staying with your godfather at last.”

            “I am happy,” Harry said firmly. He saw Sirius smile out of the corner of his eye.

            That smile vanished with Snape’s next words.

            “Yes, I suppose your time with someone who cares about you is precious,” Snape continued, his smile widening. “Even if he only cares about you because you’re his best friend’s child. It’s quite an obligation to take on, but then again you do look like your wretched father.”

            Harry couldn’t breathe. Sirius was still, face blank. He walked over to Snape.

            “Get out of my house, you fucking monster, and don’t you _ever_ speak to him like that again. How dare you say that?!”  

            “Are you certain it’s a lie, Black? Azkaban’s hard on the mind. Maybe you think the brat—”

            Sirius punched him. “I said get out,” he snarled, his voice still quiet. “Now.”

            Bleeding from a cut under his eye, Snape staggered out, though not before casting a malicious glare at Harry.

            “The nerve,” Sirius fumed. He turned back to Harry, and his face fell. “Harry?”

            Harry looked at his shoes.

            “Harry, you don’t believe him, do you?”

            Harry didn’t know what to say.

            “My God, you do,” Sirius whispered. “Harry, lad…”

            “It’s okay!” Harry said hurriedly. The last thing he wanted was for Sirius to feel guilty. “I know you miss him, and you knew him way longer, and they asked you to be my godfather, and they were your friends. And you don’t know me that well, it’s okay if that’s why you care about me—”

            “Harry, look at me.”

            Harry stopped talking. He could feel everyone staring at him.

            Sirius met his eyes with over-bright gray ones. “I’ve never told you about the day you were born, have I?”

            “N-no.” Where was this going?

            “I was with your Mum that day. James was on a mission with Remus, and one of us was always with Lily that last month. James wanted someone to be with her in case you came early. And you did. You were three days early.” Sirius smiled. “Your mum was much calmer than me. I was panicking, trying to get everything together, trying to get a hold of your Dad and Remus, and Lily was laughing at me through the pain. ‘Calm down Sirius, everything’s going to be fine’.”

            “And everything was fine,” Sirius continued. “We got to St. Mungo’s, Dumbledore had found James and Remus and they got there a few hours before you were born. Lily was so brave, she just kept smiling even when it hurt, because she was so excited that you were going to be born.”

            “Now, they’d asked me to be godfather when Lily found out she was pregnant. And I said sure, why not? I was going to spend most of my time with them anyways. My plan was that I’d bring you lots of sweets, buy you brooms and listen to you when you wanted to complain about your parents. That was all I had planned.”

            “But then you were born, and after your Mum and Dad had a chance to hold you I got a turn and…” Sirius cleared his throat, his eyes shining. “And all those plans about being the cool godfather to my best friend’s baby went right out the window, because you were _real_. You were a little person staring up at me with big eyes. Your eyes weren’t green yet, they were blue, and you weren’t crying. You put your hand around my finger, and I never knew babies were so strong…And I knew you were mine. You were mine in a way I couldn’t understand, but you weren’t just my best friends’ kid. You were my kid too, and I loved you right away.”

            Harry’s eyes were blurring.

            “And now you’re growing up into a wonderful young man,” Sirius whispered. “I wish your Mum and Dad were here to see how you’ve turned out. I wish I hadn’t put revenge for James and Lily ahead of needing to care for you the night they died, so we would have had more time together. But I do _not_ care about you out of some obligation, or because I see the dead in you. Harry, from the moment you were born I saw you, and I love you for _you._ And don’t ever think differently.”

            Harry bit his lip hard to stop it trembling. Sirius held out his arms, and Harry rushed into them, burying his face in Sirius’ chest.

            “I know exactly who you are, Harry. I always have, and that’s who I love.”

            “I love you too,” Harry whispered. He’d never said that to anyone, but then again no one had ever said those words out loud to him before either.

*********

            Sirius made sure the kids were actually asleep before he went downstairs. The Order was meeting in about twenty minutes, but the only person in the kitchen was Molly. She looked guilty.

            “Hullo Molly. What’s wrong?”

            “I wanted to apologize.”

            “For what?”

            “For what I said the first night Harry came here,” Molly said.

            _It’s been difficult for you to look after him from Azkaban, hasn’t it?_

“It’s alright, Molly. We both said bad things that night.”

            “I didn’t mean—”

            “I know you didn’t.” Sirius sat down. “I know you’ve been coping with trying to help Harry the last few years without any real authority, and I know you love him like your own. I’m beyond grateful that he’s had you and Arthur.”

            “It’s just…he never told me. About you being innocent. And I know he was trying to protect you, but…”

            “But you’ve spent fourteen years thinking I’m a traitor, and I know you’re worried I’m not really fit to take care of him. And I admit that Azkaban has fucked me up, and things aren’t always right in my head—”

            “I don’t think that anymore.”

            “Oh no?” Sirius said, looking up.

            “Anyone who loves him like that…he needs you, Sirius. And I won’t interfere anymore. I know it always drives me mad when someone else tells me how to parent.”

            Sirius grinned. “I might need some tips, actually.” He leaned back in his chair. “For instance, how do you talk to him about girls? Or boys?”

            “Well, that’s always an interesting conversation,” Molly said. She sat down across from him. “The first thing to remember is not to assume anything, and the second is to just accept that it will be awkward.” Her eyes glinted. “There are ways to make sure it’s more awkward for them than you, though.”

            “Oh?” Sirius laughed. “Mind sharing some parental wisdom?”

            Harry did not enjoy the conversation the next week.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius should have lived. He and Mrs. Weasley should have been best friends. Everyone is invited to fight me on that.   
> Bitter? Nah, why do you ask?   
> :)   
> Cheers,   
> Acme


	3. Lucky Man (Severus Snape)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape considers himself lucky, all things considered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Snape bashing because he's a creep.

It was a special kind of torture to teach a child with his worst enemy’s look and his lost love’s eyes.

Severus Snape hated teaching, but he’d promised Dumbledore anything all those years ago. He refused to let Lily’s knowledge fall into the hands of mediocre children, so he kept the textbook where he’d scribbled all her work (he’d made up the spells, she’d shared the potions notes from her book, written with her swirled ‘gs’ and messy ‘ls’. That book had burned in Godric’s Hollow)…he kept that knowledge hidden and taught by the book. If there were any geniuses, he’d know that way.

And so he’d survived for ten years, teaching and raging, snarling at the Gryffindors when they displayed any hint of Lily’s spirit, Lily’s charm, Lily’s looks…the Weasleys especially.

Then Potter’s child ( _Lily’s child)_ had joined the school. And Severus asked him the same questions he and Lily had been asked their first day. She’d been the only one who knew the answer. Granger knew the answers (damn the girl, she should be grateful she didn’t have red hair), but Potter had stared at him blankly, Lily’s eyes in James fucking Potter’s face. Severus wrote the boy off, relieved beyond words that he didn’t care. He and Potter were going to be enemies. In many ways, nothing had changed.

But there were nights when Severus didn’t sleep, when he tossed and felt like the luckiest man in the world. Because Harry Potter could so easily have been born a girl, a little daughter like Lily had always wanted (a daughter Severus had once dared to hope would be his). And Rose Potter (it would have been Rose, Lily loved the flower names and her own mother’s name was Rose) could have had Lily’s long red hair, Lily’s slender hands and dancing feet…and maybe James Potter’s fucking hazel eyes. His eyes in her face, an even worse taunt.

On the other hand, would that have been enough to make him hate her? Or would he have flattered the little girl, told her stories about her mother, how much he loved her? Would he have been able to resist temptation as she grew into a young woman?

There were nights when Severus Snape thought himself a very lucky man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this being short this week, but I'm trying to wrap up some other projects that might be of interest :) Also, I couldn't physically make myself write any more of this.   
> Cheers,  
> Acme  
> PS: Anyone interested in my reference to Lily's work should check out chapter 9 of 'Fading Scars'; I expand on that headcanon in Hermione's section.


	4. Guardian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minerva McGonagall reflects on her students.

Minerva McGonagall has never been a mother. She’s not very good with babies; at least that’s what her friends say. “Stop talking to them like they’re grownups, they don’t understand you!” Eileen had scolded. “All you’re doing is confusing them.”  
Eileen was confusing her. She thought that just speaking to the child was enough, and if they didn’t understand, what did it matter what you said? Small talk didn’t come any easier when you were speaking to a six-month-old.  
When Minerva began teaching full-time, she was determined to be the best teacher she could. To her consternation, that didn’t mean just making sure her students got the best education on the principles of Transfiguration.  
Her first clue of this was a fourth year Ravenclaw girl. She came back from Easter holidays with bruises on her arms. Minerva kept her after class and told her that if there was anything wrong at home, she could tell her.  
Two weeks later, the girl’s father was in Muggle prison and the girl went to stay with her best friend’s family, who took the girl in as if she were their daughter. Minerva listened to the grateful sobs and patted the girl’s hand. “You’ll be safe now,” she promised. “And if you aren’t, let me know.”  
And the girl went home that summer with her new mother and father. She grumbled about the Transfiguration homework, but she smiled when she passed it in.  
Word got out through the students, and soon students from all the houses came to her. Some came sullen, some came frightened, some came teary. But they left knowing that someone had heard their problem. They’d heard that someone cared.  
One of those students came back to teach. Pomona Sprout was one of her successes; Minerva was one of the few guests at her wedding. Between the two of them, they learned the best ways to help their students. Dumbledore noticed this, and he made them Heads of their respective Houses the same year. Now most of the students who came to her were Gryffindor red and gold, but there were still a few Ravenclaws, a few Slytherins, and one week when Pomona was ill Minerva helped a Hufflepuff boy with wounds on his wrist, drowning in despair.  
Minerva couldn’t always solve the problem. She couldn’t take away Lily Evans’ fear of her future during the rise of the Death Eaters. She couldn’t remove the scars from Remus Lupin’s face or the memories of home from Sirius Black. But she could teach them to believe in themselves. To have discipline and courage, to find strength and to meet their problems with grace. And when they left her room, she hoped that they would learn those lessons, because they were the ones she knew best.  
The war years tested her as a teacher. She wanted to keep all her charges safe, but so many were grown now. They were no longer hers, and all she could do was give help when she could. She wept for each fallen pupil, and wept for the children they left behind. I will teach your children, she promised them all. I will teach them better than I taught you. And they will thrive.  
She loved them all, her students past and present. They were hers during the school year, especially the Gryffindors, and no matter how cross she got with the bad ones, they were hers to defend. But she never thought of herself as a parent. She was no one’s mother, nor would she ever be.  
Minerva McGonagall was a teacher. She was a guardian of young lives.  
And Heaven help you if you threatened one of hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Professor Minerva McGonagall is one of my favourite characters that JK ever created, and I wanted to honour her.  
> Cheers,  
> Acme


	5. A Frank Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follows from chapter 2 ('I see you'). Sirius has a responsibility to fulfill, and Harry's not interested in hearing about it.   
> At least not at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What follows is a reasonably detailed (if not explicit) discussion of sex and sex-related topics. No details about the event itself, but pretty much anything surrounding it, so be prepared. I hope I can give any future child I have this kind of talk.   
> Also I headcanon Harry and Lily as demisexual (they don't know the word at this point), and Sirius is bisexual. This will become apparent.

“Harry, can we have a chat?”

“Er…sure.”

It was the middle of a sunny summer day. Mrs. Weasley called a moratorium on chores, and they were all relaxing in the drawing room, which Fred and George were attempting to redecorate.

So why did Sirius look so…well, serious?

“Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine,” Sirius said quickly. “Come on.”

Harry shot a look at Ron, who shrugged.

“Sure.”

Harry followed his godfather upstairs, into the room with Buckbeak. Harry bowed to the Hippogriff, and Sirius did the same.

“What’s going on?”

Sirius took a deep breath. “I need to fulfill one of my responsibilities as your godfather.”

“Which is…what? Feeding me to Buckbeak?”

The Hippogrif squawked.

“No. Blimey, I’m starting it all wrong. Harry, I need to talk to you about sex.”

Harry blinked, and then cleared his throat. “No.”

“I know it’s awkward—”

“It’s not necessary!” Harry said desperately, edging towards the door.

“You’re getting older, there are some things—”

“I already know about it!” Harry said, his ears hot.

“Oh.” Sirius cleared his throat. “Well that makes it a bit more straightforward. Although…hang on, who did you hear it from?”

Harry grimaced. “Oliver Wood.”

The Quidditch captain had given him “The Talk” after practice one day, when Harry didn’t understand one of Alicia’s jokes.

“Merlin,” Sirius muttered. “So they still don’t do any kind of education about that? I’ve a mind to shout at McGonagall—”

“You’re not going to tell her to do it!” Harry gasped.

Sirius laughed. “Maybe not her, but someone needs to. Christ, you’re all going through puberty there. Right, come and sit down.”

Feeling slightly confused, Harry sat beside Sirius. “I know it, though.”

“I’m assuming Oliver told you about vaginal penetrative sex, though?” Sirius asked.

Harry blushed to the tips of his fingers. “Er, I suppose. Is there more than one kind?”

“Oh yeah. How do you think two blokes or two birds do it?”

“Do they?” Harry asked, surprised.  

“Yes, if they’re gay, or bisexual.” Sirius cleared his throat. “That’s what I am, actually.”

“So you like…both?”

“I do. I’ve dated both in the past. Maybe when my name’s clear I’ll try dating again. Could be fun.” Sirius attempted a smile. “So...the particulars of that…”

A few minutes later Harry was bright red. “People actually want to do that?”

“You don’t?” Sirius asked.

“Isn’t it too early to think about that? I thought that only happened when…when you were married.”

“You can wait for that, if that’s what you want.” Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. “But as long as you’re doing it for the right reasons, it can happen before that kind of commitment. Some people are just together for one night, and never speak to each other again.”

Harry shook his head disbelievingly.

“We’ve all got different ideas about morals, Harry,” Sirius said, and he sounded stern for the first time. “It might not be something you want, but there’s nothing wrong—”

“That’s not what I mean,” Harry said hurriedly. “I just can’t imagine being like that with a stranger. That sounds terrifying.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “It can be risky, certainly. That’s another thing you need to know—whenever or whoever, you need to be safe. Make sure you’re not getting anyone pregnant, protect yourself against disease, but there’s one thing that matters above everything, alright?”

“What?”

“Make sure that you both want to have sex, and for the same reason. If you’re doing it for fun, that’s lovely, if you’re doing it for love, that’s also lovely. But you need to make sure that whoever your partner is, they’re one hundred percent committed every step of the way. And Harry,” Sirius tilted his head up, “make sure you are too. It’s okay to say no, and it’s okay to stop. Anyone who says otherwise? Hex them.”

Harry didn’t say anything.

“What’s wrong, Harry?”

Harry sighed. “I don’t know if I’ll ever really want it, Sirius.”

“Why do you think that?” Sirius asked. He sounded far too calm for someone hearing that a fifteen year old boy didn’t want sex.

“Harry, that’s not the end of the world.”

Had he said that out loud?

“You know, you sound a lot like your mother.”

Harry looked up. “I do?”

Sirius nodded. “Once she and James started dating, we actually became friends really fast. We talked a lot, and she…well. She said a lot of the same things you did.”

“Really?”

“She wasn’t particularly invested in sex. She spent most of seventh year in your dad’s lap, but they didn’t sneak off the way a lot of people did. And she told me that she wanted to have children, but wasn’t keen on the sex part.”

“So…how was I born?”

Sirius laughed. “Oh, the usual way. Lily started to trust James more, and…well. They started sneaking off in the end. She said it got easier to think about because it was him, and then it was fun.”

Harry blushed again, not really want to picture that. “So what was wrong with her?”

“Nothing was wrong with your mother. And nothing’s wrong with you either, mate. Some people are like that, and it’s _fine_. It’s okay if you never want to have sex, too. I don’t know if there’s a word for that, but word or not, how you feel is important. Maybe it will change, maybe it won’t. No matter what, it’s part of you, and that’s fine.”

“Is that why I don’t want curtain time?” Harry blurted out.

“Sorry, what?” Sirius’ eyebrows lifted high.

Now blushing more furiously than ever, Harry stuttered out what the boys in his dorm called ‘curtain time’ (another thing Oliver had explained).

“I can see having some trouble with that,” Sirius said thoughtfully. “Generally you do that because you’re thinking of something that arouses you; usually someone. And if you don’t have those kinds of desire, it might be tricky.”

“So what do I do? Ron says it…it’s fun.”

            Sirius chuckled. “Yes, it is. You know, it’s about making yourself feel good too. There’s a lot of pleasure that comes from that, and maybe if you concentrate on that it will be easier.”

            “I can—” Harry stopped.

            “I don’t need the details,” Sirius said, saving him from talking. “You know what you need to do, and do what feels right.”

            “Is anyone ever going to love me?” Harry asked. “If I’m like Mum and I need to really trust and love someone before I want sex, what if—everyone talks about it so much—what if I—”

            “Harry James Potter,” Sirius said gently but firmly. “You are loved. And you’re good, Harry. I think you’ve got your mother’s good heart and your father’s loyalty. It will come when it comes, Harry. And there’s no need to worry yet. Your friends are young, you know. It’s easy to confuse desire with love, and the other way about when you’re young and there’s a million hormones running rampant. But when you get older things start to settle down, and you figure out what you really need, and what you really want.” Sirius smiled to himself. “That’s what happened with Remus and I.”

            “Professor Lupin?” Harry asked.

            “Yes. We were together for a few months in third year. He never told you?”

            Harry just shook his head.

            “Do you want to hear the story?”

            “Is there any curtain time?”

            “We were _thirteen_ , Harry.”

            “I don’t know how this works!”

“Fair enough. Alright, come on. Let’s go find Remus. He and I should tell it together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahaha.   
> Yup, this is why this is a day late (I might have made that decision VERY late in the day yesterday, but that's beside the point). Tomorrow we'll hear all about Wolfstar's brief appearance. To be perfectly clear, I'm not making fun of Wolfstar; I love the pairing. But in this universe, they...well, you'll have to see tomorrow, won't you?   
> Cheers,  
> Acme


	6. The Great Wolfstar Breakup of 1974

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set immediately after the last chapter. Harry gets the details of Sirius' and Remus' brief romance.

Professor Lupin blinked a couple of times at Sirius. “Have you actually gone mad?”

            “You don’t have to tell the story, Professor,” Harry said quickly.

            “He’s right, Moony. But I think this is a good one for him to hear.”

            Professor Lupin sighed. “Very well.” He looked at Harry. First off, if you’re going to hear this story, you can call me Remus. You’ve more than earned the right.”  

            “Alright, er, Remus.” Harry fidgeted. “I’m not sure I understood. You two dated?”

            “We did. For about four months.” Remus looked at Sirius. “Do you want to start? Seems like it was your idea.”

            “It was your idea back then,” Sirius answered with a smile.

            “Bloody hell. All right.” Remus cleared his throat. “So it was October of our third year. James was off at Quidditch Practice, and Peter was studying in the library…”

* * *

 

           “I’m telling you, if we could get into the Restricted Section, this would be so much easier!”

            Remus glared at Sirius over his book. “Sirius, I’m trying to _read_.”

            “I know, that’s why I’m distracting you. That book’s rubbish. I didn’t think you liked that sort of magic anyways.”

            Remus didn’t like Arithmancy textbooks, as a rule. He’d dropped the class after the first session, when the teacher insisted that ‘anyone who hadn’t learnt maths was going to fail’. But he had to grab something, and James’ textbook was the closest one.

            He needed something between him and Sirius, otherwise he would talk too much, and talking too much wasn’t a good idea right now.

            He _couldn’t_ tell Sirius. He just _couldn’t._

            “I thought I might try it again next year,” Remus muttered. “And we can’t go to the Restricted Section, Sirius, there’s too much risk there. If you get caught—”

            “We’ll get detention,” Sirius interrupted. “What else is new? It’s worth it if we can find a lead. None of us had any luck about Animagi in our home libraries, and ordering from Flourish and Blots is just going to get us caught.”

            “Maybe,” Remus allowed. “You know you don’t have to do this.”

            “We want to, mate. Don’t be stupid.” Sirius pushed his ever-lengthening hair out of his eyes. “Actually, Rem, I need to talk to you about something.”

            “What?” Remus asked, staring at the numbers, hoping they would give him some insight.

            “You’ve been avoiding me lately.”

            That made Remus look up.

            Sirius usually lounged on his bed like a Roman emperor (he always threw a pillow at Remus when he pointed that out). But since the last time Remus looked up, he’d sat up, hands in his lap, looking very worried.

            “You’re always reading when we talk now,” Sirius said. “And you’re not in detention with me ever now, just with James. And you’re not laughing at any of my jokes. Did I do something to make you cross? Whatever it was, I’m sorry, Rem. But I can’t make it better if I don’t know what it is. I want to make it better.”

            Remus could have lied. He could have made anything up, but it was too late. He was already talking.

            “You didn’t make me mad, I promise. I’m just…I don’t know what to say to you right now.”

            “Well that’s comforting.”

            Remus took a deep breath. “Sirius, I…I think I have a crush on you.”

            “You do?”

            “I know it’s not really normal to have crushes on boys,” Remus said. “But I really think you’re brilliant, and you have nice eyes.”

            Sirius considered him, those lovely eyes narrowed in thought. “Isn’t it normal to have crushes on boys? I have crushes on both.”

            “I don’t…I don’t think so?” Remus offered. His heart was starting to pound. Sirius wasn’t really addressing what he’d said. Was that his way of letting him down gently? “I’ve never heard the other boys talk about boys, only girls.”

            “Oh. Interesting.”

            “So…Sirius…”

            “Right! The first part.” Sirius bounded up. “I think I have a crush on you too, Remus.”

            “Really?” Remus felt his heart leap, and for once it wasn’t in fear. “Are you sure?”

            “Yeah. You’re nice looking, and I think it would be nice to kiss you. I don’t feel like that about Peter or James.”

            “Okay.” Remus’ mind went blank. He honestly hadn’t thought he would get this far. “Well, what do—what do we do now?”

            “Let’s go on a date!” Sirius rummaged around his bedclothes. “Hogsmeade is this weekend, remember?”

            And it wasn’t full moon. Remus swallowed though, because he saw a problem. “But we promised James and Peter we’d go all together, since it’s our first one.”

            “Well, we can start the day out with them, and then go off on our own. What do you think?”

            “I think that sounds really nice,” Remus replied. “I—I’d love to go on a date with you, Sirius.”

            Sirius stopped rummaging with a cry of triumph. “Found it!” He held out a watch Remus had seen him wear before. It was a Muggle one, with an obnoxiously pink band.

            “You can wear this, if you want.” Sirius suddenly looked shy. “Since we’re going together. I think this will be fun.”

            Remus held out his wrist, and Sirius strapped the watch on. The two of them sat together for a moment, then suddenly, impulsively, Remus kissed Sirius. “I think so too.”

* * *

 

            “Did you have a good time?” Harry asked. It was hard to imagine the men in front of him as young boys in love, especially Remus wearing a pink watch.

            “We had a splendid time,” Remus answered, smiling fondly at Sirius. “We spent the morning as the four of us, bought up half of Zonko’s and had lunch at the Three Broomsticks. Then Sirius and I went for a walk together.”

            “We held hands and bought candy together from Honeydukes,” Sirius added. “It was very much a thirteen year old’s date. I didn’t really know what else to do.”

            “That sounds like it would be fun.” Harry wondered if he would ever take a girl, or anyone, to Hogsmeade like that.

            “It was,” Sirius said with a grin. “At least until James started being a prat.”

            “To be fair I actually think Lily encouraged him,” Remus added. “One of the few times they worked together then.”

            “Did they not get along?” Harry asked, startled. From everything he’d heard about his parents, it sounded like love at first sight.

            “Not really when they were younger.” Sirius leaned closer. “Between you, me, and Moony, they were often a lot like Hermione and Ron. But this time, Lily and James started following us and singing stupid love songs.”

            “What did you do?” Harry asked, seeing a mischievous light in Sirius’ eyes.

            “Ran like mad then,” Remus answered. “But on their first date?”

            “Did you hold an entire parade?” Harry asked. He was being sarcastic, but Sirius threw his head back and laughed.

            “See, there’s that Marauder gene. That’s exactly what we did.”

            “Lily cursed us out for a solid twenty minutes,” Remus smiled. “James knew he deserved it though.”

            “So what happened next?” Harry asked eagerly.

            “Well, we were boyfriends until it was time for the Christmas holidays.” Sirius’ smile wavered. “I had to spend it with my _dear_ cousins, and Remus went home, but we wrote letters.”

            “And then we came back,” Remus said, “and things were different.”

            “Different how?”

            “Well…”

* * *

 

            Remus’ heart wouldn’t stop pounding as he raced to the Hospital Wing. James was hot on his heels, and Peter brought up the rear.

            They burst in together, and Remus cried out. Sirius was covered with large, angry sores, and his eyes were closed. Master Henly stood over the bed, with the newly Madam Pomfrey at his side.

            “What’s happened to Sirius?” Remus asked. He hated how shaky his voice sounded. All the Prefect had said was that he was in the Hospital Wing.

            “He was serving detention with me,” Professor Sprout said miserably. She was younger than Madam Pomfrey, brand new at her job. “Everything was fine, and then—I told him to move something but he tripped and before I could stop it the Poison Nettles fell on him.”

            “He’ll be alright, Pomona,” Madam Pomfrey soothed her.

            “The damage is superficial,” Master Henly added. “Mr. Black is already responding to treatment. He should be fine by tomorrow.” He looked at the three of them. “There’s no need to stay, boys. He’s sound asleep, and will be until the morning.”

            “We want to stay with him anyways,” James said stubbornly. “He’s our friend.”

            Remus nodded in agreement. Sirius was his best friend, and—

            Wait. What?

            He barely heard the Healer give in, was numb as James Transfigured the bed next to Sirius’ larger. He didn’t speak when Peter prodded him into position, close enough to Sirius to take his undamaged hand.

            Sirius wasn’t his _friend_ , for fuck’s sake. They were boyfriends, and maybe in love, and they were dating and why the hell had he thought friend?

            You could, of course, call the person you were dating your best friend, Remus told himself. Mum called Dad her best friend (though of course Mum and Dad had no friends—they’d made that choice long ago, to make it easier to hide Remus’ condition). And Sirius and he had been mates for so long, that was all.

            Or maybe…maybe the wolf had taken away his ability to love? Maybe all he could ever have was friends? Not that it would be a hardship, but what if he’d been lying to Sirius this whole time? Or worse, what if he just gave up on a future? That would break Sirius’ heart.

            And Remus would lose him.

            He clutched Sirius’ hand. He could pretend, maybe? He cared for Sirius, and kissing was all well and good, but was that fair? Sirius deserved someone who could love him properly. Best for him to move on faster, and leave Remus behind where he belonged, with a false heart.

* * *

 

           “Merlin, Remus, tell me you don’t still think like that.” Sirius shook his head. “I convinced you the next day, didn’t I?”

            Remus smiled, and it was a real smile, a break from the melancholy look he’d had since they sat down. “Of course I do, Sirius. I understand.”

            Harry was silent, fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt.

            “Harry?”

            Harry swallowed hard. “I’m sorry you felt like that. It sounds terrible.”          

            Remus reached across the table before Sirius could, and gripped Harry’s arm. “Tell us what’s wrong.”

            “I don’t—I don’t ever want to make someone feel that way,” Harry got out. “And I don’t want to feel that way. How—do you know how to avoid it?”

            “Oh lad, it doesn’t work that way.” Remus sighed. “I know you’ve gone through more pain than you should have had to bear. I know you don’t want more. But it is impossible to avoid that kind of hurt. People change, times change. If I can give you any advice at all, it’s to try and avoid blaming anyone. Sometimes feelings just don’t stay the same, and there will always be hurt when that happens. It’s not your fault if it happens to you, and it’s not the other person’s fault if it happens to them. All you can do is respect the bonds you have, and treat each other with kindness.”

            “And that’s the worst case scenario,” Sirius added. “With Remus and I—well, it was mutual, in the end. I didn’t get the existential crisis, though.” He bumped Remus’ arm. “I’m so sorry you did, Moony.”

            “So what did happen?” Harry asked.

* * *

 

            Sirius stirred, confused by his surroundings. The last thing he remembered was the greenhouse and Professor Sprout’s cry of terror. Now he was in the…ah, the Hospital Wing.

            Remus was lying in the next bed, holding his hand. He didn’t look injured, and Sirius grinned as he saw James and Peter lying behind him. The Marauders in sickness and in health.

            As nice as it was to be holding Remus’ hand, Sirius had to talk to him. He’d realized during his detention that maybe they were better as friends—sometimes the romance felt forced. As a matter of fact, this was how he’d felt all along, but it was fun to date and it was worth a shot. It was fun.

            Remus jerked awake, and Sirius winced as the grip on his hand tightened.

            “Sirius?” Remus asked in a hushed voice. “Are you okay?”

            “Yeah. What happened?”

            “You got Poison Nettles on you. But you’re going to be fine. Are you sore at all?”

            Sirius tested his free hand and wiggled his feet. “Not at all, actually. Suppose I can get up—”

            “Wait.” Remus was biting his lip, and Sirius could see how frightened he was.

            “Come here, Rem.”

            But instead of hugging him Remus shook his head. “I can’t.”

            “Why not?”

            “Sirius, I don’t—I don’t know what—” Remus stopped.

            “Come here,” Sirius repeated. “I’ve got something to tell you as well.”

            Remus laid down beside him at last, shaking like mad. Sirius hated to tell him when he felt like this, but it really was for the best. Everything would be fine.       

            “Remus—”

            “I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore!” Remus blurted out. He looked horrified, but the words kept coming. “You’re my friend, Sirius, but I can’t—you deserve so much better—”

            Sirius was partly relieved and partly horrified. “You’re wonderful, Remus. Don’t be stupid.”

            “But I don’t have a crush on you anymore!” Remus gasped.

            “Neither do I,” Sirius said honestly.

            Remus went still. “You don’t?”

            “No. I’m not sure when things changed, but things were different over Christmas. I wanted to wait and see you again, make sure I was right, but…yeah. I don’t feel the same ‘crush’ bit.” Remus was still quiet, and Sirius hurried on. “You’re still my mate, and I hope it doesn’t feel awkward, but—”

            “I thought you would hate me,” Remus whispered.

            “I could never hate you!” Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’re my best mate, Remus.”

            “No, James is.”

            That made Sirius flinch. “What do you mean?”

            “You’re my best friend, Sirius,” Remus said earnestly. “I love James and Peter, but you’re…special. And I reckon I got confused because—because it feels different with you. And I do like kissing you, but that’s not what’s important to me about you. It never has been.”

            Sirius was thirteen, and he didn’t understand much about how love worked, but he knew that Remus was wrong.

            “James is really important to me,” he answered. “But he’s—he’s like my brother. So is Peter; it just feel different. You’re my best friend, Remus. And you’ll always be that.”

            Remus stared at him. “Really?”

            “Of course! I think that’s why I wanted to kiss you, because kissing James or Pete would be like incest.”

            That made Remus laugh. “So we’re not boyfriends anymore?”

            “Nah, I think this is better. Don’t you?”

            “Yeah. It was really fun!”

            “We’ve got to remember to get James and Lily back when they get together,” Sirius said thoughtfully.

            “Do you really think they will?”

            “Oh yes. James has got to stop being a prat first, though.”    

* * *

 

            “And that’s really where it ended,” Sirius finished.

            Harry looked between them. “So Remus, are you bisexual?”

            Remus shrugged. “I’m not sure, honestly. I haven’t had a lot of romantic encounters, but some have been with men. So I suppose I am.”

            “The point of telling you that story, Harry, is to let you know that things change in your life, and it’s not a bad thing.” Sirius grinned at Remus. “Moony and I would have driven each other mad as a couple eventually; we’re better as mates. Some things don’t have to be a mess of heartache; they can be some confusion and then acceptance. And being best friends forever, no matter what.”

            Harry grinned. “So I suppose it was just puppy love?”

            Sirius sighed, and Remus laughed until he cried.  

* * *

 

        **Now this is the part where an omniscient (well, trying to be omniscient) author needs to put her oar in, because that wasn’t the full story. Remus and Sirius only told Harry about the parts they knew. They didn’t know, for instance, that James and Peter overheard that entire conversation, pretending to be asleep to let them talk. James made sure no one at the school ever said a damn thing about Remus and Sirius breaking up, but Severus Snape would use it later when Sirius broke out to taunt Remus about his ‘severe lack of judgement’. Peter didn’t say anything, but preyed on that history when he turned on them, because he told Remus that Sirius trusted him and never told him about the switch, while he fed Sirius lies about how maybe Remus would turn because Sirius ‘rejected’ him, and after all they’d gotten their relationship wrong once before...**

**And only Remus knew that in his R.J. Lupin case, there was a small box with a pink watch. It didn’t work anymore, and he’d thought about breaking it more than once, but it was still there.**

**When Sirius died, Remus buried it beside the Shrieking Shack.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is curious, yes, I am drawing on some different personal experiences for this one. I've had more than one crush end in 'thank goodness we can still be friends, being a couple would be BRUTAL'.   
> Also I 100000% percent made up the Poison Nettles.   
> Cheers,  
> Acme

**Author's Note:**

> Don't...kill me?   
> I have a few written for this era, but I'm happy to take prompts. They will be canon for the Fading Scars universe, so kindly keep that in mind.   
> Cheers,   
> Acme


End file.
